A.P.M

I learned never to empty the well of my writing, but always to stop when there was still something there in the deep part of the well, and let it refill at night from the springs that fed it.
-Ernest Hemingway

It’s time to refill the well.

It’s been way too long since I’ve done what I love to do. Write. So here we go...

Who am I?

My name is Allan McGraw. If you’re reading this you probably know at least that much. But for the first time I’m going to actually write about myself. Maybe you’ll learn something about me that you didn’t know. I think the most I’ve ever written about myself was in my Myspace or Facebook “About Me” sections back in the day.

I started this blog “Nobody Roots for Goliath” many years ago. It began as a way to write about sports and politics; two things I’m very interested in. But I got away from it as life tends to get in the way of things. 

If you know me, you know I’m not one who talks much. It’s not that I don’t have anything to say, I’d just rather listen and analyze and think things through in my head. Writing is the thing that gets those thoughts and ideas out of my head in a much better way than speaking them.

So who am I? 

Let’s see if I can do myself justice. I’m not one to believe in astrology or horoscopes or the zodiac or anything like that. However, sometimes they are intriguing to say the least. When I heard the description of the dragon Chinese Zodiac recently, it actually seemed to match up with me pretty well. In the Chinese Zodiac, the dragon corresponds to the year of 1988, the year I was born. This led me to read more about Taurus in astrology, which corresponds to the month of May. Taurus and the dragon seem to go hand in hand with one another. Here are some things that stuck out to me and some things I tend to agree with about myself and my personality:

“People under the sign of the dragon are lively, intellectual, energetic and excitable. They often can be leaders and try to go for perfection. When they meet with difficulties, they are not discouraged. They are magnanimous, romantic and sensitive about their reputation. They usually have great ambition and an ingenuous personality. They hate hypocrisy, gossip and slander. They are not afraid of difficulties but hate to be used or controlled by others. They are a little arrogant and impatient. Sometimes, 'dragons' are unable to control their moods very well due to being eccentric, tactless, fiery, intolerant and unrealistic. They may feel blank about the future. They may criticize others for their inefficiency at work. They have a nature ardent to excess and couldn't withstand setbacks which make them flee away. If they overcome these defects, they can have a brighter future.”

I’m definitely a perfectionist, which sometimes leads to impatience and problems. But I try not to let things get to me too much. I think I’m the most down to earth, easy-going person in the world. Also maybe the most sarcastic. My confidence can come off as arrogance sometimes and I absolutely hate hypocrisy, gossip and slander. Do what you say, and say what you do. The only time I struggle controlling my mood and tongue are when watching or playing sports. I tend to talk the most and get fired up when playing competitively. I also think I’m the most competitive person you’ll ever meet. I want to tie my shoes or write my name better than you do. That’s how competitive I am. I want to be the best at everything that I do. No excuses.  

“Earth Dragons make great managers because they are practical, levelheaded and demonstrate a knack for organizing. They still have the need to dictate and be admired, but they are affable, congenial and supportive. Compared to other Dragons, Earth Dragons are less likely to breathe fire at the least irritation. They will work diligently to complete their life goals. The Earth element adds a greater portion of self-control to the Dragon's personality and usually the Earth Dragon is deserving of the respect he or she desires. These Dragons take their life and romantic responsibilities quite seriously.”

“Taurus is the sign of practicality and possessions. People born under the sign of Taurus tend to be very patient, practical and dedicated people. People who were born in that time are extremely faithful, with a strong need for security and a settled routine. Although they are very earthy, they can also be highly romantic and sensitive when it comes to love.”

I believe I’m a very practical person and I like to think things through before I do them so that they will be done right in the most efficient and effective way possible. In general, I think I’m a very patient person, but I’ve had to work at that. I definitely take responsibilities seriously, because I don’t want to let anyone down, including myself.

“Dragons dislike taking orders, unnecessary bureaucracy, discounted ideas, and people who don't give 100%.”

I hate taking orders, I’d rather listen to suggestions. Unnecessary bureaucracy is annoying and frustrating. This is the reason I prefer smaller government and more freedom. And if I’m giving 100%, you better be too. Don’t bring the rest of us down.

“Dragons like to spend money and are charitable themselves as well as with others. They do not know the meaning of the word "accumulate," and making money does not intrigue them as it may others. Many Dragons will take big chances with their finances, sometimes betting on their shirt and losing it right off of their backs. Yet, they were born with the Midas Touch, and it very rare that a Dragon remains poor for long. Dragons will always be straightforward in financial dealings and can always be trusted.”

To me, money is a necessary evil. You acquire it and spend it. Not much to it. It is what it is. It will come and go. Spend it while you can because you can’t take it with you. I took a chance when I moved to Houston, betting my shirt and losing it in the end. Now I’m on my way back up.

“Those who truly know the Dragon know he is a loving soul who will become your best ally in times of need. Once the dynamic Dragon has given his friendship, he will not let his friends down and will never falter in his allegiance to his companions. To a Dragon, a friend is a friend for a lifetime. Incredibly honest, Dragons are known for sincerity and are trusting souls. Because of this honesty, Dragons don't realize others may not demonstrate or uphold the same codes of ethics. Making the discovery that they placed their trust in someone who is dishonest makes the Dragon person quite sad, yet much more perceptive for future encounters. Dragons are quick to fall in love, but do not surrender their independence easily leaving most of them to live life by themselves. Yet, a smart, witty, and funny companion may intrigue the Dragon long enough to make him want to get married. And once the Dragon becomes committed, he is unlikely to ever leave. Others love to be around Dragons because they have a way of making people feel better.”

“People born under the sign of Taurus, if they love, they are generous to the last degree, and will consider no sacrifice too great for the person they care for; if they are enemies, they will fight with the most determined obstinacy. But they always fight in the open, for they hate trickiness, double-dealing, or deceit. They are also too easily misled by their emotions, sensations, or affections. They are at their best are typically strong and silent, but often appear ignorant and willfully obstinate to others. They have an innate sense of harmony, rhythm and color, and often are very successful in music, poetry and art. Those born in this sign have an ability to become the most faithful, loyal friends.”

I love my friends and will truly do anything for them. I’m trustworthy and responsible and will try to do everything in my power to help someone in need. I like listening and trying to help in any way that I can. Truth is the only acceptable option for me. I will trust you until you prove to me that I can’t. I have and will continue to learn when to put my guard up and when to take it down. I always fall quickly and am a hopeless romantic at heart. I tend to always analyze and overthink things and am sometimes misled by my emotions. But no matter what is going on in my life, I hope to always make those around me feel better before I worry about myself. As Denard Robinson would say, “My motto is: It's my goal to make somebody's day every day.”

That’s a good overall summary of my personality as it stands today. But where have I come from and what has shaped me?

I was born May 10, 1988 in Maplewood, Minnesota. Awaiting me were my parents and two brothers. I wouldn’t trade them for the world. I am the only one in my entire family, including extended family, who was born in Minnesota. My mom, dad, brothers and nearly everyone else in my family that I know of were all born in Michigan. I grew up in Minnesota living a typical normal life. (Random fact: I went to three different elementary schools, all in Eagan.) When I was little we would drive to Michigan almost every year to see family. This is where my love for all things Michigan, especially sports, came from. So many great memories there. Not only were Lions, Tigers, Pistons, Red Wings, and Michigan games a commonplace on our television in Minnesota, there wasn’t a time at my grandparents when a Michigan sports team wasn’t on the television. My grandparents, especially my grandma made me grow to love Michigan sports. (Random fact: My grandpa taught us the amazing combination that is peanut butter on Little Caesar’s Crazy Bread. Little Caesar’s being Michigan-based and owned by Mike Illitch, the owner of the Detroit Red Wings and Tigers.) My grandma loved the Detroit Red Wings. I remember when we visited, she would take me to get ice cream and to the local sports store to look at all the apparel and memorabilia. I still have newspaper clippings, championship hats, and pucks that my grandma sent me and my brothers when the Red Wings won back to back Stanley Cups in 1997 and 1998. Although I grew up in Minnesota and am a fan of the teams here, Michigan sports teams were my first true love and the reason they are above the rest. Loyalty is key.

Growing up I was always playing sports. Since I had two older brothers, I always had to work hard at it. The three sports I played competitively when I was young were basketball, baseball, and bowling. My favorite sports memories are from playing travelling basketball and all the different tournaments every weekend. Just the other day I was thinking about how I wished I had played at least a season of football and hockey. Sports hold the top spot of things that I enjoy doing. I’ll watch and play almost any sport, any time. No, I do not consider soccer a sport unless in the form of foosball, boccerball, or indoor soccer. Sports help everyone tune out the world and escape everything else for at least that amount of time. Sports are beautiful thing.

Music is another one of my interests. I enjoyed being in choir during school and still enjoy singing whenever I can. I really love all music. I have no favorite genre, artist, or band. I just love music. I’ve probably heard of and like your favorite band, but if I haven’t I probably do. When I was little my grandma bought me a keyboard for my birthday. Later in life I bought a guitar. Unfortunately I didn’t pick up either of them and gave up trying to play music. So now I just enjoy it. If you want me to listen to some new music or need someone to go to a concert, I’m your guy.

Politics are another interest to me. I believe everyone should stand for something, anything, and fight for it. 

I’ll respect you more if you know the reasoning behind your beliefs, no matter what they are. Believing in something is better than not caring at all. I consider myself a right-wing conservative and am very passionate about my beliefs. However, I have friends that are left-wing liberals and respect their beliefs because they at least have a reason for what they believe. Differing opinions are what keep things interesting. There’s no need to be disrespectful or intolerant or ignorant just because you disagree with someone else’s beliefs. You can and should still be civil. If you know why you believe what you do, props to you.

Electronics come next. I love gadgets and gizmos. Any technology that does something cool, I’m interested in. Whether it be computers or phones or televisions or stereos or bladeless fans or a cool toaster. I love learning how things work and understanding what makes them tick. I love tinkering and fixing things. Recently I upgraded nearly everything in my desktop computer and loved every minute of it. My phone is unlocked and rooted, allowing me to do many things not possible on phones which are not.

Writing also comes in on the list of things I enjoy. I really like turning thoughts into words, whether it be blogs, tweets, research papers, or poems. This post itself could literally go on forever. Writing is how I get the thoughts out of my head and express myself. In high school I entered a poetry contest online and was actually invited to Florida to accept an award or something at poetry event. I remember the day I got the letter in the mail and wish I had kept it. Unfortunately the money situation at the time didn’t allow for me to go. The poem was about a girl in high school, if you were wonder. I don’t think I ever told her about it though. Don’t get me started on females though. That could be another ten page document.

Some of my interests are the reason why I changed majors three times. I set out to follow in my brother’s footsteps and go into some type of engineering since I had no idea what else to do. Of course I didn’t get accepted into any engineering program. I was accepted to the University of Minnesota, Iowa State University, University of Kansas, University of Arizona, and Baylor University. I knew I wanted to go to a Division-I school because of sports. Seriously, that was my first thought when choosing what schools to apply to. But I didn’t know what I wanted to study, so I decided to stay close to home and attend the University of Minnesota. I started my college career in pursuit of a degree in Computer Science. This began one of the toughest stretches of my life. Within the first few weeks of starting school, my grandma passed away. I was already struggling through adjusting to life in college and falling behind in classes and now had to travel to Michigan for the funeral. A few days away from class made me fall further behind and the emotions of losing my grandma didn’t help. A few short weeks later, trying hard to get back to where I needed to be in my classes, I had another setback. I was working just a few blocks away from my dorm at Goldy’s Lockerroom, a University of Minnesota apparel store. I was lifting boxes and putting out new sweatshirts that we had gotten in. While I was doing this, I felt a very sharp pain in my chest. I didn’t think much of it though thinking it was a cramp or strain or something and kept working. After about 15 minutes of this I couldn’t take it anymore and took my break. I walked back to my apartment to lay down, thinking it would go away. It didn’t. I went back to work and struggled through my shift. Struggled through the day and the next day with lingering pain in my chest. Finally the weekend came and I was talking to my mom on the phone. I asked her if she set up a doctor’s appointment for me because my chest had been hurting lately. Of course being a mom, she immediately called the doctor after we had gotten off the phone. The person she talked to told her that we shouldn’t wait to come in since it was a chest issue. So she called me back and told me I needed to go to urgent care. Once there after all the tests and X-rays and what not, the doctor told me that my right lung had collapsed and that I had a condition called primary spontaneous pneumothorax.

“A pneumothorax is an abnormal collection of air or gas in the pleural space that separates the lung from the chest wall and which may interfere with normal breathing.A primary pneumothorax is one that occurs without an apparent cause and in the absence of significant lung disease, while a secondary pneumothorax occurs in the presence of existing lung pathology. This condition is a medical emergency that can cause steadily worsening oxygen shortage and low blood pressure. Unless reversed by effective treatment, these sequelae can progress and cause death.

A primary spontaneous pneumothorax (PSP) tends to occur in a young adult without underlying lung problems, and usually causes limited symptoms. Chest pain and sometimes mild breathlessness are the usual predominant presenting features. People who are affected by PSPs are often unaware of potential danger and may wait several days before seeking medical attention”

Basically what this means is randomly one of these air pockets that are in my chest can push on my lungs and make them collapse without cause. The scariest thing was when the doctor scolded me for not coming in right away and saying, “Make sure you come in right away if this happens again. This isn’t something to take lightly, since this could potentially cause your lung to push on your heart and stop your heart.” There I was, a college freshman, being told that I could have died that week. Yikes.

So following this situation, I missed another week of class. At this point I had no idea what was going on. I fell too far behind in all my classes. I was so lost in my Intro to Computer Science class. Surely this was not the major I should be in. After applying for and being granted the ability to drop a class due to hardship, I dropped my Computer Science class. I eventually ended the semester with only 9 credits. I finished the semester with something like a 1.3 GPA and was put on academic probation. Definitely not the way I wanted to start my college career.

After having a mandatory meeting with an academic counselor following my dreadful first semester, I started my second semester at the U on track toward a degree in Political Science. I learned very quickly that the University of Minnesota was not the place to go for a Political Science degree when you are a Christian conservative. One of my best papers was written about global warming and another was written about God’s grace. To my surprise, my paper about grace actually received a very high grade. My paper about global warming however did not. The high mark on my paper about grace in one class led me to believe the U wasn’t THAT liberal. So I began writing more pointedly. But once my paper about global warming came back in another class, I knew that I was wrong. I knew that if I couldn’t write or talk about what I wanted to with good reasoning and proof behind it, I knew I couldn’t last. I remember the professor wrote on the top of my global warming paper in red ink: “THIS IS NOT TRUE.” Even though I had cited many reputable sources with scientific evidence, the professor simple wrote it off because he disagreed with me. Nearly every class I noticed had a liberal slant to it in some form. This therefore led me to ditch the Political Science path.

Following another meeting with a counselor, I learned of the newly created Sport Management major. I had finally found something I could stick with and enjoy. Had I known this is what I would get into, I would have gone to Baylor University. This is because Baylor has one of the best Sport Management programs in the nation and is also a Baptist university. Two things that would have helped me in the long run. But I’m very glad I chose the University of Minnesota. In the end, it seems my degree is just a very expensive piece of paper that I’m still paying for, but the people I met and experience I had in Minneapolis both make it well worth it.

After graduating from the University of Minnesota in 2010, I took the first job that I could find after two months of searching. It was working overnights for Best Buy on the project team resetting the entire store. I travelled to stores across Minnesota and Wisconsin and even got to take a trip to California. Once this project ended I was kind of stuck. The economy was terrible and I could not find a good job. It was around this time that a friend I had known since 1^st grade accepted a job in Houston, Texas. So not having a job, hating the Minnesota winter, and knowing Texas had the best economy at the time, I decided to pack up my car and tag along with him down to Houston in search of a job. On our way down to Houston, we ironically travelled along a snow storm path virtually the entire way down. At one point the roads were closed due to snow and we had to find a hotel. While trying to pull into the hotel’s frontage road entrance, we both managed to get our cars stuck. Luckily a couple with a truck stopped and helped us. The next night we got to our next hotel by white-knuckling it through a blizzard. The next morning we managed to show the locals what ice scrapers were and helped clean the ice off their cars. This was the first time they had ice and snow in a very long time. Once in Houston, we checked in to a hotel and began searching for apartments. We ended up looking at one apartment and signing a lease that day. Within a week or two, I had an interview with 24 Hour Fitness. I eventually got a job once it was all settled out. Apparently the manager had been trying to contact me for a few days, but my phone was on the fritz and I wasn’t getting his calls or messages. I finally got an email asking me when I could start training and was thoroughly confused since I hadn’t even been offered or accepted the job yet. But it eventually got sorted out thankfully. Through this I was able to be a part of the grand opening of a 50,000 square foot flagship gym just a mile away from my apartment. That gym kind of became my home. I worked there nearly all day every day, worked out there, played basketball there, and just enjoyed being there. I met so many amazing people because of this place, from my co-workers to people that worked out there. It was awesome. After about six months, the reality of working at a gym began to set in. I was paying rent, buying groceries, paying $900 a month in student loans, and every other expense that comes with living. I was also set back by $2,500 when my laptop and Ipod were stolen when the maintenance guy of our apartment decided to go on a stealing spree. Being a membership counselor was not bringing in the money I needed in order to live there. Almost a year later and no leads on any other jobs in Houston, I decided to return to Minnesota. My last night in Houston was the last time I’ve cried. I loved every minute of being there and miss everyone from down there.

When I got back, I again took the first job that I could find until something better came along. After one job, I ended up leaving to accept a long-term contract position with Wells Fargo in March of 2012. I have a love hate relationship with this job. I hate waking up so early in the morning. I am NOT a morning person. The job itself is incredibly boring, repetitive, and awful. The whole temporary part doesn’t help either when you’re looking for a stable position so you can settle down. Technically I have no idea when my last day could be. My badge might not work when I go in on Monday and that will be it. This sucks for trying to plan anything involving money. The end of the contract will be in September of this year. The only good thing about this job is the people and the fact that it will eventually end. Hopefully in the near future I will be able to find something a bit more stable and permanent. This makes me excited for the rest of this year though. In July, I will be getting another sister-in-law when my oldest brother gets married. In September, I will become an uncle. And sometime before the end of the year I’ll have a new job and a new place to live. It’s been a challenging year for me but I keep pushing on. Failure isn’t an option.

At this point I could write more, but I won’t go there. I think I’ve wrote enough without revealing any deep dark secrets.

[INSERT PAGES ABOUT A GIRL HERE…]

I think this has been a pretty decent summary of me and I’m glad I wrote it. A favorite poem of mine can some me up as well:

"The utterly impractical, never predictable,

Sometimes irascible, quite inexplicable.

Strange blend of shyness, pride and conceit,

And stubborn refusal to bow in defeat.

He's spoiling and ready to argue and fight,

Yet the smile of a child fills his soul with delight.

His eyes are the quickest to well up with tears,

Yet his strength is the strongest to banish your fears.

His hate is as fierce as his devotion is grand,

And there is no middle ground on which he will stand.

He's wild and he's gentle, he's good and he's bad.

He's proud and he's humble, he's happy and sad.

He's in love with the ocean, the earth and the skies,

He's enamoured with beauty wherever it lies.

He's victor and victim, a star and a clod,

But mostly he's Irish—in love with his God." 

I’ll finish this section with some more random facts:

-I've been shocked by a dog collar on its highest setting, voluntarily. Hurts so good. I enjoy doing stupid things to make people laugh and have a good time. Another example: chugging Jones Soda Christmas Ham. There’s video out there of these somewhere in the world.

-Once while fishing, I caught a 200 lb. lady from Europe. I wish I had a video of this situation.

-I have long arms. Like monkey long.

-One goal I have is to throw an octopus onto the ice at Joe Louis Arena during a Red Wings playoff game, preferably during the Stanley Cup Finals.

-Every paper I wrote in college except one got an A grade. Yes, I was angry when my streak was snapped.

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading! I’m not expecting an audience on here but always nice to know someone is hearing you. When I started writing this at 3 pm on Saturday, May 4, 2013, I didn’t know where it would go. It ended up being nearly nine pages and 5,000 words, but it felt good. It’s good to be back! If you have any questions or would like to know more about something, just ask. I'm an open book.

Laugh. Think. Cry.

Allan Patrick McGraw