I learned never to empty the well of my writing, but
always to stop when there was still something there in the deep part of the
well, and let it refill at night from the springs that fed it.
-Ernest Hemingway
It’s time to refill the well.
It’s been way too long since I’ve done what I love
to do. Write. So here we go...
Who am I?
My name is Allan McGraw. If you’re reading this you
probably know at least that much. But for the first time I’m going to actually
write about myself. Maybe you’ll learn something about me that you didn’t know.
I think the most I’ve ever written about myself was in my Myspace or Facebook “About
Me” sections back in the day.
I started this blog “Nobody Roots for Goliath” many
years ago. It began as a way to write about sports and politics; two things I’m
very interested in. But I got away from it as life tends to get in the way of
things.
If you know me, you know I’m not one who talks much.
It’s not that I don’t have anything to say, I’d just rather listen and analyze
and think things through in my head. Writing is the thing that gets those
thoughts and ideas out of my head in a much better way than speaking them.
So who am I?
Let’s see if I can do myself justice. I’m
not one to believe in astrology or horoscopes or the zodiac or anything like
that. However, sometimes they are intriguing to say the least. When I heard the
description of the dragon Chinese Zodiac recently, it actually seemed to match
up with me pretty well. In the Chinese Zodiac, the dragon corresponds to the
year of 1988, the year I was born. This led me to read more about Taurus in
astrology, which corresponds to the month of May. Taurus and the dragon seem to
go hand in hand with one another. Here are some things that stuck out to me and
some things I tend to agree with about myself and my personality:
“People under the sign
of the dragon are lively, intellectual, energetic and excitable. They often can
be leaders and try to go for perfection. When they meet with difficulties, they
are not discouraged. They are magnanimous, romantic and sensitive about their
reputation. They usually have great ambition and an ingenuous personality. They
hate hypocrisy, gossip and slander. They are not afraid of difficulties but
hate to be used or controlled by others. They are a little arrogant and impatient.
Sometimes, 'dragons' are unable to control their moods very well due to being
eccentric, tactless, fiery, intolerant and unrealistic. They may feel blank
about the future. They may criticize others for their inefficiency at work.
They have a nature ardent to excess and couldn't withstand setbacks which make
them flee away. If they overcome these defects, they can have a brighter
future.”
I’m definitely a perfectionist, which sometimes
leads to impatience and problems. But I try not to let things get to me too
much. I think I’m the most down to earth, easy-going person in the world. Also
maybe the most sarcastic. My confidence can come off as arrogance sometimes and
I absolutely hate hypocrisy, gossip and slander. Do what you say, and say what
you do. The only time I struggle controlling my mood and tongue are when
watching or playing sports. I tend to talk the most and get fired up when
playing competitively. I also think I’m the most competitive person you’ll ever
meet. I want to tie my shoes or write my name better than you do. That’s how
competitive I am. I want to be the best at everything that I do. No excuses.
“Earth Dragons make
great managers because they are practical, levelheaded and demonstrate a knack
for organizing. They still have the need to dictate and be admired, but they
are affable, congenial and supportive. Compared to other Dragons, Earth Dragons
are less likely to breathe fire at the least irritation. They will work
diligently to complete their life goals. The Earth element adds a greater
portion of self-control to the Dragon's personality and usually the Earth
Dragon is deserving of the respect he or she desires. These Dragons take their
life and romantic responsibilities quite seriously.”
“Taurus is the sign of
practicality and possessions. People born under the sign of Taurus tend to be
very patient, practical and dedicated people. People who were born in that time
are extremely faithful, with a strong need for security and a settled routine.
Although they are very earthy, they can also be highly romantic and sensitive
when it comes to love.”
I believe I’m a very practical person and I like to
think things through before I do them so that they will be done right in the
most efficient and effective way possible. In general, I think I’m a very
patient person, but I’ve had to work at that. I definitely take
responsibilities seriously, because I don’t want to let anyone down, including
myself.
“Dragons dislike taking
orders, unnecessary bureaucracy, discounted ideas, and people who don't give
100%.”
I hate taking orders, I’d rather listen to
suggestions. Unnecessary bureaucracy is annoying and frustrating. This is the
reason I prefer smaller government and more freedom. And if I’m giving 100%,
you better be too. Don’t bring the rest of us down.
“Dragons like to spend
money and are charitable themselves as well as with others. They do not know
the meaning of the word "accumulate," and making money does not
intrigue them as it may others. Many Dragons will take big chances with their
finances, sometimes betting on their shirt and losing it right off of their
backs. Yet, they were born with the Midas Touch, and it very rare that a Dragon
remains poor for long. Dragons will always be straightforward in financial
dealings and can always be trusted.”
To me, money is a necessary evil. You acquire it and
spend it. Not much to it. It is what it is. It will come and go. Spend it while
you can because you can’t take it with you. I took a chance when I moved to
Houston, betting my shirt and losing it in the end. Now I’m on my way back up.
“Those who truly know
the Dragon know he is a loving soul who will become your best ally in times of
need. Once the dynamic Dragon has given his friendship, he will not let his
friends down and will never falter in his allegiance to his companions. To a
Dragon, a friend is a friend for a lifetime. Incredibly honest, Dragons are
known for sincerity and are trusting souls. Because of this honesty, Dragons
don't realize others may not demonstrate or uphold the same codes of ethics.
Making the discovery that they placed their trust in someone who is dishonest
makes the Dragon person quite sad, yet much more perceptive for future
encounters. Dragons are quick to fall in love, but do not surrender their
independence easily leaving most of them to live life by themselves. Yet, a smart,
witty, and funny companion may intrigue the Dragon long enough to make him want
to get married. And once the Dragon becomes committed, he is unlikely to ever
leave. Others love to be around Dragons because they have a way of making
people feel better.”
“People born under the
sign of Taurus, if they love, they are generous to the last degree, and will
consider no sacrifice too great for the person they care for; if they are
enemies, they will fight with the most determined obstinacy. But they always
fight in the open, for they hate trickiness, double-dealing, or deceit. They
are also too easily misled by their emotions, sensations, or affections. They
are at their best are typically strong and silent, but often appear ignorant
and willfully obstinate to others. They have an innate sense of harmony, rhythm
and color, and often are very successful in music, poetry and art. Those born
in this sign have an ability to become the most faithful, loyal friends.”
I love my friends and will truly do anything for
them. I’m trustworthy and responsible and will try to do everything in my power
to help someone in need. I like listening and trying to help in any way that I
can. Truth is the only acceptable option for me. I will trust you until you
prove to me that I can’t. I have and will continue to learn when to put my
guard up and when to take it down. I always fall quickly and am a hopeless
romantic at heart. I tend to always analyze and overthink things and am
sometimes misled by my emotions. But no matter what is going on in my life, I
hope to always make those around me feel better before I worry about myself. As
Denard Robinson would say, “My motto is: It's my goal to make somebody's day
every day.”
That’s a good overall summary of my personality as
it stands today. But where have I come from and what has shaped me?
I was born May 10, 1988 in Maplewood, Minnesota.
Awaiting me were my parents and two brothers. I wouldn’t trade them for the
world. I am the only one in my entire family, including extended family, who
was born in Minnesota. My mom, dad, brothers and nearly everyone else in my
family that I know of were all born in Michigan. I grew up in Minnesota living
a typical normal life. (Random fact: I went to three different elementary
schools, all in Eagan.) When I was little we would drive to Michigan almost
every year to see family. This is where my love for all things Michigan,
especially sports, came from. So many great memories there. Not only were
Lions, Tigers, Pistons, Red Wings, and Michigan games a commonplace on our television
in Minnesota, there wasn’t a time at my grandparents when a Michigan sports
team wasn’t on the television. My grandparents, especially my grandma made me
grow to love Michigan sports. (Random fact: My grandpa taught us the amazing
combination that is peanut butter on Little Caesar’s Crazy Bread. Little Caesar’s
being Michigan-based and owned by Mike Illitch, the owner of the Detroit Red
Wings and Tigers.) My grandma loved the Detroit Red Wings. I remember when we
visited, she would take me to get ice cream and to the local sports store to
look at all the apparel and memorabilia. I still have newspaper clippings, championship
hats, and pucks that my grandma sent me and my brothers when the Red Wings won
back to back Stanley Cups in 1997 and 1998. Although I grew up in Minnesota and
am a fan of the teams here, Michigan sports teams were my first true love and
the reason they are above the rest. Loyalty is key.
Growing up I was always playing sports. Since I had
two older brothers, I always had to work hard at it. The three sports I played
competitively when I was young were basketball, baseball, and bowling. My
favorite sports memories are from playing travelling basketball and all the
different tournaments every weekend. Just the other day I was thinking about
how I wished I had played at least a season of football and hockey. Sports hold
the top spot of things that I enjoy doing. I’ll watch and play almost any
sport, any time. No, I do not consider soccer a sport unless in the form of
foosball, boccerball, or indoor soccer. Sports help everyone tune out the world
and escape everything else for at least that amount of time. Sports are
beautiful thing.
Music is another one of my interests. I enjoyed
being in choir during school and still enjoy singing whenever I can. I really
love all music. I have no favorite genre, artist, or band. I just love music. I’ve
probably heard of and like your favorite band, but if I haven’t I probably do.
When I was little my grandma bought me a keyboard for my birthday. Later in
life I bought a guitar. Unfortunately I didn’t pick up either of them and gave
up trying to play music. So now I just enjoy it. If you want me to listen to
some new music or need someone to go to a concert, I’m your guy.
Politics are another interest to me. I believe
everyone should stand for something, anything, and fight for it.
I’ll respect
you more if you know the reasoning behind your beliefs, no matter what they
are. Believing in something is better than not caring at all. I consider myself
a right-wing conservative and am very passionate about my beliefs. However, I
have friends that are left-wing liberals and respect their beliefs because they
at least have a reason for what they believe. Differing opinions are what keep
things interesting. There’s no need to be disrespectful or intolerant or
ignorant just because you disagree with someone else’s beliefs. You can and
should still be civil. If you know why you believe what you do, props to you.
Electronics come next. I love gadgets and gizmos. Any
technology that does something cool, I’m interested in. Whether it be computers
or phones or televisions or stereos or bladeless fans or a cool toaster. I love
learning how things work and understanding what makes them tick. I love
tinkering and fixing things. Recently I upgraded nearly everything in my
desktop computer and loved every minute of it. My phone is unlocked and rooted,
allowing me to do many things not possible on phones which are not.
Writing also comes in on the list of things I enjoy.
I really like turning thoughts into words, whether it be blogs, tweets, research
papers, or poems. This post itself could literally go on forever. Writing is
how I get the thoughts out of my head and express myself. In high school I
entered a poetry contest online and was actually invited to Florida to accept
an award or something at poetry event. I remember the day I got the letter in
the mail and wish I had kept it. Unfortunately the money situation at the time
didn’t allow for me to go. The poem was about a girl in high school, if you
were wonder. I don’t think I ever told her about it though. Don’t get me
started on females though. That could be another ten page document.
Some of my interests are the reason why I changed
majors three times. I set out to follow in my brother’s footsteps and go into
some type of engineering since I had no idea what else to do. Of course I didn’t
get accepted into any engineering program. I was accepted to the University of
Minnesota, Iowa State University, University of Kansas, University of Arizona,
and Baylor University. I knew I wanted to go to a Division-I school because of
sports. Seriously, that was my first thought when choosing what schools to
apply to. But I didn’t know what I wanted to study, so I decided to stay close
to home and attend the University of Minnesota. I started my college career in
pursuit of a degree in Computer Science. This began one of the toughest
stretches of my life. Within the first few weeks of starting school, my grandma
passed away. I was already struggling through adjusting to life in college and
falling behind in classes and now had to travel to Michigan for the funeral. A
few days away from class made me fall further behind and the emotions of losing
my grandma didn’t help. A few short weeks later, trying hard to get back to
where I needed to be in my classes, I had another setback. I was working just a
few blocks away from my dorm at Goldy’s Lockerroom, a University of Minnesota apparel
store. I was lifting boxes and putting out new sweatshirts that we had gotten
in. While I was doing this, I felt a very sharp pain in my chest. I didn’t
think much of it though thinking it was a cramp or strain or something and kept
working. After about 15 minutes of this I couldn’t take it anymore and took my
break. I walked back to my apartment to lay down, thinking it would go away. It
didn’t. I went back to work and struggled through my shift. Struggled through
the day and the next day with lingering pain in my chest. Finally the weekend came
and I was talking to my mom on the phone. I asked her if she set up a doctor’s
appointment for me because my chest had been hurting lately. Of course being a
mom, she immediately called the doctor after we had gotten off the phone. The
person she talked to told her that we shouldn’t wait to come in since it was a
chest issue. So she called me back and told me I needed to go to urgent care.
Once there after all the tests and X-rays and what not, the doctor told me that
my right lung had collapsed and that I had a condition called primary
spontaneous pneumothorax.
“A pneumothorax is an
abnormal collection of air or gas in the pleural space that separates the lung
from the chest wall and which may interfere with normal breathing.A primary pneumothorax
is one that occurs without an apparent cause and in the absence of significant
lung disease, while a secondary pneumothorax occurs in the presence of existing
lung pathology. This condition is a medical emergency that can cause steadily
worsening oxygen shortage and low blood pressure. Unless reversed by effective
treatment, these sequelae can progress and cause death.
A primary spontaneous
pneumothorax (PSP) tends to occur in a young adult without underlying lung
problems, and usually causes limited symptoms. Chest pain and sometimes mild
breathlessness are the usual predominant presenting features. People who are
affected by PSPs are often unaware of potential danger and may wait several
days before seeking medical attention”
Basically what this means is randomly one of these
air pockets that are in my chest can push on my lungs and make them collapse
without cause. The scariest thing was when the doctor scolded me for not coming
in right away and saying, “Make sure you come in right away if this happens
again. This isn’t something to take lightly, since this could potentially cause
your lung to push on your heart and stop your heart.” There I was, a college
freshman, being told that I could have died that week. Yikes.
So following this situation, I missed another week
of class. At this point I had no idea what was going on. I fell too far behind
in all my classes. I was so lost in my Intro to Computer Science class. Surely
this was not the major I should be in. After applying for and being granted the
ability to drop a class due to hardship, I dropped my Computer Science class. I
eventually ended the semester with only 9 credits. I finished the semester with
something like a 1.3 GPA and was put on academic probation. Definitely not the
way I wanted to start my college career.
After having a mandatory meeting with an academic
counselor following my dreadful first semester, I started my second semester at
the U on track toward a degree in Political Science. I learned very quickly
that the University of Minnesota was not the place to go for a Political
Science degree when you are a Christian conservative. One of my best papers was
written about global warming and another was written about God’s grace. To my
surprise, my paper about grace actually received a very high grade. My paper
about global warming however did not. The high mark on my paper about grace in
one class led me to believe the U wasn’t THAT liberal. So I began writing more
pointedly. But once my paper about global warming came back in another class, I
knew that I was wrong. I knew that if I couldn’t write or talk about what I
wanted to with good reasoning and proof behind it, I knew I couldn’t last. I
remember the professor wrote on the top of my global warming paper in red ink: “THIS
IS NOT TRUE.” Even though I had cited many reputable sources with scientific
evidence, the professor simple wrote it off because he disagreed with me. Nearly
every class I noticed had a liberal slant to it in some form. This therefore led
me to ditch the Political Science path.
Following another meeting with a counselor, I
learned of the newly created Sport Management major. I had finally found
something I could stick with and enjoy. Had I known this is what I would get into,
I would have gone to Baylor University. This is because Baylor has one of the
best Sport Management programs in the nation and is also a Baptist university.
Two things that would have helped me in the long run. But I’m very glad I chose
the University of Minnesota. In the end, it seems my degree is just a very
expensive piece of paper that I’m still paying for, but the people I met and
experience I had in Minneapolis both make it well worth it.
After graduating from the University of Minnesota in
2010, I took the first job that I could find after two months of searching. It
was working overnights for Best Buy on the project team resetting the entire
store. I travelled to stores across Minnesota and Wisconsin and even got to
take a trip to California. Once this project ended I was kind of stuck. The
economy was terrible and I could not find a good job. It was around this time
that a friend I had known since 1st grade accepted a job in Houston,
Texas. So not having a job, hating the Minnesota winter, and knowing Texas had
the best economy at the time, I decided to pack up my car and tag along with
him down to Houston in search of a job. On our way down to Houston, we
ironically travelled along a snow storm path virtually the entire way down. At
one point the roads were closed due to snow and we had to find a hotel. While
trying to pull into the hotel’s frontage road entrance, we both managed to get
our cars stuck. Luckily a couple with a truck stopped and helped us. The next
night we got to our next hotel by white-knuckling it through a blizzard. The
next morning we managed to show the locals what ice scrapers were and helped
clean the ice off their cars. This was the first time they had ice and snow in
a very long time. Once in Houston, we checked in to a hotel and began searching
for apartments. We ended up looking at one apartment and signing a lease that
day. Within a week or two, I had an interview with 24 Hour Fitness. I
eventually got a job once it was all settled out. Apparently the manager had
been trying to contact me for a few days, but my phone was on the fritz and I
wasn’t getting his calls or messages. I finally got an email asking me when I
could start training and was thoroughly confused since I hadn’t even been
offered or accepted the job yet. But it eventually got sorted out thankfully.
Through this I was able to be a part of the grand opening of a 50,000 square
foot flagship gym just a mile away from my apartment. That gym kind of became
my home. I worked there nearly all day every day, worked out there, played
basketball there, and just enjoyed being there. I met so many amazing people
because of this place, from my co-workers to people that worked out there. It
was awesome. After about six months, the reality of working at a gym began to
set in. I was paying rent, buying groceries, paying $900 a month in student
loans, and every other expense that comes with living. I was also set back by
$2,500 when my laptop and Ipod were stolen when the maintenance guy of our
apartment decided to go on a stealing spree. Being a membership counselor was
not bringing in the money I needed in order to live there. Almost a year later
and no leads on any other jobs in Houston, I decided to return to Minnesota. My
last night in Houston was the last time I’ve cried. I loved every minute of
being there and miss everyone from down there.
When I got back, I again took the first job that I
could find until something better came along. After one job, I ended up leaving
to accept a long-term contract position with Wells Fargo in March of 2012. I have
a love hate relationship with this job. I hate waking up so early in the
morning. I am NOT a morning person. The job itself is incredibly boring,
repetitive, and awful. The whole temporary part doesn’t help either when you’re
looking for a stable position so you can settle down. Technically I have no
idea when my last day could be. My badge might not work when I go in on Monday
and that will be it. This sucks for trying to plan anything involving money.
The end of the contract will be in September of this year. The only good thing
about this job is the people and the fact that it will eventually end.
Hopefully in the near future I will be able to find something a bit more stable
and permanent. This makes me excited for the rest of this year though. In July,
I will be getting another sister-in-law when my oldest brother gets married. In
September, I will become an uncle. And sometime before the end of the year I’ll
have a new job and a new place to live. It’s been a challenging year for me but
I keep pushing on. Failure isn’t an option.
At this point I could write more, but I won’t go
there. I think I’ve wrote enough without revealing any deep dark secrets.
[INSERT PAGES ABOUT A GIRL HERE…]
I think this has been a pretty decent summary of me
and I’m glad I wrote it. A favorite poem of mine can some me up as well:
"The
utterly impractical, never predictable,
Sometimes
irascible, quite inexplicable.
Strange blend of
shyness, pride and conceit,
And stubborn
refusal to bow in defeat.
He's spoiling
and ready to argue and fight,
Yet the smile of
a child fills his soul with delight.
His eyes are the
quickest to well up with tears,
Yet his strength
is the strongest to banish your fears.
His hate is as
fierce as his devotion is grand,
And there is no
middle ground on which he will stand.
He's wild and
he's gentle, he's good and he's bad.
He's proud and
he's humble, he's happy and sad.
He's in love
with the ocean, the earth and the skies,
He's enamoured
with beauty wherever it lies.
He's victor and
victim, a star and a clod,
But
mostly he's Irish—in love with his God."
I’ll finish this
section with some more random facts:
-I've been shocked by a dog collar on its highest
setting, voluntarily. Hurts so good. I enjoy doing stupid things to make people
laugh and have a good time. Another example: chugging Jones Soda Christmas Ham.
There’s video out there of these somewhere in the world.
-Once while fishing, I caught a 200 lb. lady from
Europe. I wish I had a video of this situation.
-I have long arms. Like monkey long.
-One goal I have is to throw an octopus onto the ice
at Joe Louis Arena during a Red Wings playoff game, preferably during the
Stanley Cup Finals.
-Every paper I wrote in college except one got an A
grade. Yes, I was angry when my streak was snapped.
If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading! I’m
not expecting an audience on here but always nice to know someone is hearing
you. When I started writing this at 3 pm on Saturday, May 4, 2013, I didn’t
know where it would go. It ended up being nearly nine pages and 5,000 words, but
it felt good. It’s good to be back! If you have any questions or would like to know more about something, just ask. I'm an open book.
Laugh. Think. Cry.
Allan Patrick McGraw
